Because every toy deserves a dramatic backstory (and at least one near-death squeaker experience).
Let’s be honest — Rory’s toy box looks like a PetSmart exploded in our living room. But she swears every single one is “essential.” After years of testing, shredding, and side-eyeing, here are the toys that passed Rory’s highly scientific “chew, zoom, and squeak” test. She’s ranking these most to least favorite. But they all deserve to be on the list!
Check out all Rory’s Finds Here.
JW Hol-ee Roller Ball (1st Place Winner) 🏆
Rory’s Review: All-time favorite and longest surviving toy to this date!
Pros:
Lightweight, flexible, and perfect for fetch or tug-of-war. Made of natural rubber — eco-friendly chaos! Can be stuffed with snacks = but Rory finds them quickly. Can easily be washed off with water when it gets muddy.
Cons:
Eventually it will tear down. So… supervision is key with your pet. Rory’s lasted years before having to be replaced. Mom’s been promoted to “Professional Fetch Pitcher” — against her will. Her arm would like to formally resign.
Chuckit! Ultra Ball + Launcher Set
Rory’s Review: The Ferrari of fetch toys. The ONLY toy I can wear Rory out with! It goes far! Make sure the recall is good before trying this in an open field. 😬
Pros:
Launches farther than your ex’s excuses. Floats on water — for those dogs who think they’re part dolphin. Helps you throw farther so your dog can get its cardio in!
Cons
- You will lose it in a bush. Guaranteed.
- Too bouncy indoors — unless your décor theme is “controlled chaos.”
Benebone Wishbone Chew Toy
Rory’s Review: Bacon-flavored. Enough said. She treats this like it’s the Holy Grail of snacks that never run out.
Pros:
Tastes like bacon. Smells like bacon. Isn’t bacon, but don’t tell Rory. Keeps teeth clean-ish while she gnaws with existential purpose. Indestructible for most dogs (not including velociraptors).
Cons:
Hard as a rock — great for chewing, bad for teeth if your dog’s overenthusiastic. Loses its magic when the bacon scent fades (Rory called it “tragic”). Must be replaced before it turns into a “weapon of floor destruction.”
ME GUSTA SHOP Hedgehog Plush Toy
Rory’s Review: My emotional support hedgehog. He squeaks, he flops, and he’s been through more drama than the Real Housewives.
Pros:
Soft and snuggly — perfect for “I’m a gentle soul” days. Bonus squeaker adds chaos and late-night concerts. Makes for great photo ops before it inevitably loses an eye.
Cons:
May spontaneously explode during playtime. Stuffing everywhere. Like, everywhere. Not ideal for dogs who believe plush toys must “perish with honor.”
Cactus Dog Toothbrush Toy (last place according to Rory because it's basically a toothbrush)
Rory’s Review: It’s a cactus. It’s a chew toy. Its dental hygiene disguised as fun. Basically, self-care for dogs.
Pros:
Cleans teeth while your dog thinks they’re winning a wrestling match. Looks adorable in photos and withstands mild chewing tantrums. Dishwasher safe because we love efficiency. Floats in a pool!
Cons:
Doesn’t replace real brushing (sorry, dental drama continues). Some dogs are confused and just… stare at it.
Final Thoughts
Every toy here has survived Rory’s personal chaos lab — squeaks tested, durability challenged, dignity lost. Some didn’t make it (RIP plush squirrel of 2024 🕯️), but the survivors earned her elite approval.
These toys bring happiness, messes, and entertainment — and honestly, that’s what dog life’s about.